Can you please return it to me?
I was sitting at work yesterday afternoon shooting the breeze with my boss. Robert and I have a great relationship - we work more as partners than as boss/employee and have a healthy amount of respect for each other. He mentioned that he had an opportunity to go to Nashville to see the Titans/Colts game on Sunday and that it had not sat well with his spouse. Now if you have read my blog for any length of time (and if you have, I am so sorry. It can be absolute drivel.) you will know that I am a pretty intense football fan. So I blurted out "Oh I would have gone with you". Robert then responded "Oh I don't think that would have gone over well at all". I was so confused - what did he mean. He said something about his wife (whom I know and adore and have a very good relationship with as well) and it hit me. It was because I am a woman. Now Robert has never treated me like I am a female and he is more demanding of me than of any of his employees. It is due to his expectations, that I am the senior of my group.
After he left I picked up a thought that had hit me that morning. I seem to have lost my gender. I do not remember the last time I felt feminine, dainty, pretty, cherished, protected etc. Any of the things that help make you feel like a woman. I am expected to be strong, responsible, dependable, competent. It has an amazing way of squashing silly, fluffy, sexy and any of the softer side.
I haven't stopped normal grooming habits but they seem more a matter of form now than a matter of feeling good.
You see lots of articles on how women should not let being a Mom interfere with being a woman. Well I can tell you that being a single Mom, you can just forget about it. There is no place for gender roles. You just try and get through as much today and hope you do not get further behind tomorrow.
So what I would like from Santa this year. An opportunity, maybe even just a moment, where I can recapture the feeling of being feminine. Truly feminine and drop the image of strength just for an instant. I think it will take a Christmas miracle.
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