Knitpickity

Sometimes a break is just a break LOL

Phew I am back.

I needed a break the last few days - lots going on and I was afraid that my desire to withdraw into my ivory tower was the sign that I was falling back into the pit.  And much as the prisoners in James Clavell's Shogun were punished by the pit, so have I suffered and did not want to go back.

But my sunshiney albeit tired personality came out again today and I realized that being tired and overwhelmed a bit was not always the gateway to depression and I stand here today happy and content.

Not particularly rested - work ie the pager has denied me that - but pretty whole of spirit and mind and I had just needed a break.

So I am back and recovering and looking forward to sleep.  The fate of the sock has not been decided but my new toe color has . . .

Friar Friar Pants on Fire  - Oh my is it LOUD and OBNOXIOUS and FUN!!!

Here it is on OPI's website

OK off to champagne and housework - makes me feel like a decadent character from a FOX tv series . . .

A normal weekend day

Ha I had a normal weekend day - can't remember the last time that happened.  Things have been crazy with two birthdays (Daddy's was Friday, Cat's Thursday), the end of school and work.  So today I got up at 6:15 piddled around for a few more minutes and went back to bed - until a glorious 8:30 - and then had to make myself get up since the kids were up.  When do they start sleeping til noon?

I had nothing I HAD to do today.

So I watered all of the plants and did some picking up

Got dressed and we ate lunch and picked up my Mother and dropped off Patrick and the girls went to Parisian.  Catherine had a blast having a shopping spree at Club Libby Lu with a gift card from her birthday and then I tried on ball gowns for the cruise - did not find the perfect dress but it was fun and I wear them well.  Then we went to the library and the grocery store and home and tonight after dinner I played a 2.5 hour game of Mario Party.

So getting ready to pour myself a cold glass of Pinot Grigio and settle down with a romance from the library.

Man oh man would I love to have some real romance tonight.  I am relaxed and caught up and I really only hate being single when I have free time.  It would be so nice to snuggle up and have some adult fun too.

Oh well maybe the book will spark good dreams.

Night all.

Congratulations Catherine and my hair is not pink!!

Today my heart wanted to burst with pride!!!!!

Catherine received 1st place and top honors for the Accelerated Reader program for the entire third grade.  She goes to a highly competitive private school and for her to win this is something she should feel satisfaction and honor for a LONG time to come!  I think I was more excited than she was though LOL

I had a good day today.  I felt some of my sparkle come back this morning and while it did not last the whole day it was self generated.  I was happy with me, not happy from anything external.  I am very hesitant to say that I may have come out of my last battle with depression but I am dealing with some angry emotions again which is another sign (along with my bounciness and lack of desperate thoughts) that I may be getting back to normal.  I really hope so - this last bout was tough and I don't have anyone that I can turn to for help.  But I tend to take care of things myself and in a weird way I think you have to conquer depression on your own to truly get rid of the damn thing.  Nights were always the hardest and I often still lie awake, but more often than not I am dealing with hurt and anger, not sadness.

I dealt with something else today - I colored my hair.  I tend to do that every 2 - 3 months or so to give it more body - still no gray - but the color has dulled some with age and so ohhh lala I started to use hair color about 2.5 years ago.

I have used Garnier and the one time I did not before (L'Orleal Feria) it did not treat my hair nicely.  But I have used all of the shades Nutrisse offers that are close to my own and just was not in love with any of them.  So today - I went out on a limb and bought light ash blonde Preference by L'oreal.  Hmmmm much more drippy than the Garnier and as I checked while it developed there was a definite pinkish cast to my hair.  Oh please no Lord I have an important business dinner tomorrow and I CANNOT have pink hair . . .

Phew it is not pink and it is a gorgeous color and full of shine and bounce.  And there are lots more shades close to my own in this brand.  FUN!!!!!

No knitting and most likely none until the weekend - still debating on the sock.  It is a matter of National Security eh?

OK maybe not LOL

Life Lessons

OK I find this just hysterical and am sitting here tonight just rolling

Life Lessons on TLC

I seem to have encountered these and many many more

like the "Gee really Mom that is what happened" life lesson

and the "I really love you but . . .  (or is that butt?)" life lesson

etc etc etc

I am just dying though - truly clever and I always appreciate wit.

Oh and the handsome golf guy today that looked at me front and back like I was manna from Heaven - yeah that was kind of nice too LOL  My mom mentioned that you were married and that makes you a schmuck but at least a schmuck with GREAT taste LOL

What a difference a year makes!

Well I cannot wish Cat a happy birthday for real until Thursday but we did celebrate with a wonderful sleepover party.  Last year's party was sparesly attended and honestly given that Ken had moved out only two weeks before neither one of us were really into the spirit.

This year simply ROCKED!!!!  6 little girls came out of 8 invited . . .

Pizza out of body parts (flesh, blood, hair, tongues, brains, ears, eyes and bellybuttons were the choices to build out of LOL)

Cake and ice cream (the cake was so cute - see the photo album)

Opened presents

Used halloween makeup to turn themselves into vampires and zombies

Played on the backyard (I think it was the 5 made up girls attacking the two girls who eschewed makeup in a classic Scooby Doo re-enactment LOL)

Watched Goosebump DVD's while eating popcorn

I made fire (Gee Tom Hanks I understand the excitement now) and we told ghost stories and roasted Marshmallows.

Then more movies, games (the guess the eyeball game was fun!) and playtime and finally bed at 1:00 ish  after a midnight snack of milk in glow in the dark cups

then at 2:3o ish the doorbell rang - thank goodness it was a mommy that had been called and not the police LOL - she was scared and wanted to go home.

This morning was playing playing playing and scrambled eggs and sausages and all the pancakes you could hold.

I am tired but it was oh so worth it.  Catherine has just been beaming!!!

Mission Impossible

Good Evening Linda.

There is a situation in Memphis TN . . .

You mission, if you choose to accept it, is to support a family, keep a clean house, appear attractive and kind and courteous to all people, cook well, put up with whatever the men in your life dish out and be a sex kitten, be super mom and super woman, and do it all without complaint or failure.  Your mission begins 12/19/1968 at 6:24am (or around then at least) - this post will destroy in 5 seconds . . .

OK went to see MI3 tonight and I was vastly entertained.  I did not like MI2 but really had fun tonight.  Took Patrick with me (Catherine is sleeping over at a friends birthday party) and we just got home about 30 minutes ago.  Now I am going to relax and put my feet - ok who am I kidding I am going to sack out on the sofa and pretend to do something so I can sleep LOL

Big Heels Keep on Turning

I am not sure I like the decreases or the length or the way this sock looks.

But I do love the way it feels.

Do I finish it off and keep for bum around the house socks?

Do I frog back to the leg and add length and redo the decreases after the joins after the heel turn.

Do I frog it completely and reknit it for someone else.

HMMMMM not sure yet.

But I did get some knitting in today and it was so much fun to feel the fibre going through my fingers.  My knuckle did not even hurt today when I knit for the first time since I smashed it.

Guess I need to sleep on the fate of my sock . . .

Noooooo not again!!!!

Bart is sick again so I have spent this evening cleaning up well all sorts of bodily excretions and trying to save my pretty family room furniture  - I will need to take him back to the vet and see if his anal sacs are impacted again.  The good news is that I am getting lots of the cleaning that was going to be done before the birthday party Friday night and Saturday AM done tonight.

But nothing fun nor exciting to post.  Just trying to figure out how to get a Halloween cake in May - that is becoming an adventure.  I *could* make one and decorate it somewhat but I am not big into decorating cakes.  I have to meet with Della tomorrow and we will see what she can do.

I also got my iPod library updated.  Never ever move files that are part of your iPod library LOL - it takes a while to straighten that out eeek

Well back to getting the family room detoxified.  Really I am going to get time to knit tomorrow.

Well that's the plan at least.

Want to post but . . .

Oddly enough I cannot think of anything to write about tonight.  I had a nice productive non stressful day and just feel very peaceful and enormously boring.  I am going to finish reknitting my heel flap - ummm still not sure what I did so I just pulled back half the flap and am reknitting.

Maybe tomorrow I will be full of inspiration.

G'night all.  Sleep well!

Memories and Aliens and Green Peas

I want to record two memories today because they are both worth remembering in my mind.  And I do go back and reread my writings and they evoke echoes of what my feelings were at the time.

First.  Patrick ate all of his green peas tonight (he does not like vegetables although green peas are less evil to him than most of the harmless creatures) without protest or being asked or prompted.  He just ate them.  Every single one.  Did I mention, ad naseum, without being told.  I have been his mother for 11 years and he has never eaten his veggies without a production and it has always just been a bite or two accompanied by dramatics that would have put a great thespian to shame.

The second memory is about an equally rare event.  After speaking with the kids tonight (the kids always call and wish the other parent goodnight depending on where they are sleeping that night)  Ken asked to speak to me.  That in itself is rare.  I ask to speak to him usually once or twice a week and he is usually very polite but rarely does he request to talk to me.  Ken just wanted to thank me for a couple of small requests of his that I fulfilled.  And it was a genuine thank you and hearing the sincerity in his voice brought back all of the good feelings I had of him and thought were lost forever.  I do not fool myself.  We destroyed our relationship once quite thoroughly.  But to have the good feelings and memories back.  Wow.  It puts the past back in place and lets me go on to the future knowing that while we did not nurture and cherish that connection, that the bond was there,  once upon a time.  I remembered what it felt like to love Ken.  I am not sure he ever loved me, only he knows the true answer to that.  I am glad he is in a better place and I am sure that our coparenting relationship will cause us many times of friction and aggravation, but tonight I remember two young people.  And a James Taylor song.  And a burgundy Plymouth Horizon.  Those are the memories I would like to keep.  There is nothing to be gained from holding on to the ugly words, the uglier silences.  I was his wife, he was my husband, we created children together and in that manner we will remain linked.

I am wondering if it is the moon and the alignment of the planets or alien invasions or what has happened to the males in my family.  BTW is your children's father still your family - close enough I am guessing?  I feel bemused and a bit bewildered by recent events.   That is why I am recording them.  This really did happen.  And I am not such an optimist nor such a fool to think that things such as this will continue.

Honor from unusual sources

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there.  My Mother's Day was very unusual this year.  My children did nothing special for me today other than give me the cards that they bought (and only after I was already in tears over their total disregard of the day).  It was not a material gift I was looking for, but a bit of love and appreciation or especially good behavior would have been so nice.  It broke my heart in many ways.  I have really struggled this year to give them the same kind of life that they have always enjoyed (sans the stress and the fighting between their father and myself) with tons of love and discipline and security and constancy. I cannot help but sigh and hope it is a factor of their age and I do not believe it was wrong for me to let them know that I was hurt and disappointed that they did not feel like they wanted to do anything special on a day that celebrates Mom.  I am not a small person and I will not retaliate but I think it made me feel like a total failure as a parent.  It reminds me as I reflect on the two relationships with men.  I tried my best and it was worth nothing to them either.  Maybe I try too hard in all my relationships.  I am not sure where I go wrong - it baffles me.   Perhaps I should subscribe the mantra to expect nothing and you will never be disappointed.  But I always felt that philosophy smacks of cynicism which has never been my forte.

But today was not a bad day even in its disappointments.  I had a lovely time with my mother and enjoyed finding her gift and spending time with her.   She deserves my love and honor on this special day!

And I was honored as a mother from two very unusual sources.  I received a eCard from my oldest brother last night.  I think it is the first time any of my siblings have acknowledged me as a parent and my relationship with Gordy has been unique and it touched me deeply.  But something touched me even more.

My father gave me a Mother's Day card this year and it was heartfelt and beautiful.  My father honored me as a mother on this special day and it was an emotional bond and connection I have never experienced with him before.  There are many reasons that this was so special to me, and they are complicated and long in standing and would need pages and pages to explain.  I cannot put much of what I feel in words.

But to have two men in my family celebrate me as an adult and as a Mother was so unexpected and special.  Maybe it is just a moment that touches and me and will be stored as a special memory.  Maybe it is the beginning of a way to untangle history and experiences that still hold me back and color my choices today.  Only time will tell.

Jello Pudding Pops

D0es anyone else remember Jello Pudding Pops (oooh I loved the swirled ones)?  They were the ultimate comfort food that my Mother brought me when I was sick.  I still crave those things anytime I feel bad.  I turn to Ben and Jerry's and Snyders Pretzels, but it is not the same.  Thank you Mumsie for always making me feel better when I was sick.  I did have a Caramel Frappucino (gee 6000 calories later but OH MY!) which is close too being almost as good as a Jello Pudding Pop and it perked me up.  Did my Mother's Day preparations and cleaned the house.  Also got my new living room chairs today and have an exciting clematis story that I know you are on pins and needles to hear but it will wait until I have a picture tomorrow.

Still was feeling a bit puny today and a bit indignant over life and friends and people in my past that put me where I am today.  And I had developed all sorts of posts in my head full of hot air if you would like to know the truth.  But 4 hours of yard work later and a pretty manicured yard (well the front is manicured - the back is simply mowed and I am working on the beds more tomorrow LOL) and I am too tired to stand on my soap box.  Too tired to do much of anything actually.  I have knit my sock to the heel turn and I need to look on the net to remember how to do it on two circs!  I think I just knit 15 stitches in St stitch and not worry about the other seven, but I forgot if I toss them on the other needle.

I think I will knit the heel tomorrow - curl up with Romance and Ben and Jerry (what  a hussy I am) for dinner and enjoy my tidy little house and sleep the sleep of the dead darn tired tonight.

Better Manners than Morals

Been sick for the past couple of days with a feverish virus.  In my weakened state I managed to shock a friend today.  Actually I shock my friends lots.  That is why I am always on the fringe of the decent mothers club.  This friend is one of my best friends and our daughters were born a day apart in the same hospital.  We named them both Katherine/Catherine.  And we had never met at that time.  We met at work about 1.5 years later. 

Her Katherine had received her invite to Catherine's birthday party and wanted to know why the return address had my name not Cat's.  I explained that it was because I was the hostess, Cat was the guest of honor.  Hence the return address had to be me.  She was teasing me about that and I responded that I while I had horrid morals I had lovely manners.  Her response:

ew

And it is not that I am immoral or even amoral.  I just feel that my beliefs do not fit in with Memphis.

I did not dream of being married and a house in the suburbs and a SUV.  I dreamed of a penthouse in NY and a European diplomatic assignment and Persian cats and powerful lovers.  I gave up that dream for the reality of true love.  And never had the house in the suburbs or the SUV.  And now the marriage is gone too.  I do not think I ever should have married.  I did not give up those dreams in my heart when I got married and never really settled down to domesticity like I should have.  Today should have been my 15th wedding anniversary.  But it is not and I have the trappings of domesticity in my children who I am raising in a moral and decent way.

But in  a way my heart cries out due to the ennui and bourgeoisie that I find myself mired in.  And I think in a way somebody is having the last laugh on me.  I dream of travel and adventure and I look at my children and my eventually aging parents and think I will die a bastion of false sophistication in the center of the bible belt never willing to chase after the big diamond, bigger car and biggest house.  But I will do it with class and breeding.

I was always good at those.  They came naturally.

Picasso

Had a totally long and draining albeit successful save at work today.  Usually I do not find work that mentally exhausting but today was unique.  Two corrupted servers and perhaps malicious intent involved.  They are both back and available so tomorrow the detective work begins.

So tonight was fast food and romance novels and knitting.  Thought I would show you my companion for the evening.  A real live Picasso.  OK so Picasso is his name and he is a cat!  A three year old black smoke Maine Coon who is spoiled rotten and totally adored.  He was looking at me so yearningly to get petted while I was knitting that I ran and got the camera.  And just like a kid he stopped being cute once the camera was pointed at him.  But he is magnificent . . .

This is what Bart thinks of the whole thing

And no pictures of Bonnie - she is snuggling Patrick to sleep - what a good momma cat!

creativity in a different form

No knitting today - but the house is clean, the kids went to the library, the homework has been assisted with, veggies and herbs planted albeit shamefully late.

But I got one very important thing done today.  I made and addressed Catherine's birthday party invitations and they turned out so well!  She wants a horror party so I am leaning towards a Goosebumps theme to make it acceptable to the general public.  I would love to do classic monster/horror movies like Dracula etc or even Poltergeist would not be that scary to this generation.  But I will get totally drummed out of the Decent Mothers League which I am in only by the virtue that the other Moms cannot find good cause to cast me out.  But I am different and they are suspicious.  How can I be a strict moral mom and cool at the same time?? I am still trying to figure that one out myself. 

I also am kicking around the idea of getting a Ouija board for the party.  I think it is harmless fun but it will probably get me branded a Satanist by the moral majority.  My goodness gracious, many parents find Harry Potter to be too much - communicating with the dead is probably unthinkable.

It seems that being a parent means that you lose your sense of the ridiculous and possibly your sense of humor.  Or maybe they just have much more colorful childhood experiences than I did from which they are distancing themselves?  Ah, so a party to plan which is one of my mostest favorite activities.  A party to plan that allows me to push the rules to the limits which is another of my favorite activities LOL

Live from NY . . .

No not me but it is Saturday night and that is the name of my new toenail color.  I think most women love OPI nail polish due to the cool names!!! Browse here for more great color names!!  Here it is in the bottle:

And here it is on my toes (in my obnoxious coach flip flops of course - remind me to post about shoe envy some time LOL)

In a world of french, nude or pale pink toes - ummm I go with bright copper.  I refuse to do what I am supposed to do LOL  What a REBEL!!  I was told yesterday by an 8th grader that Moms do not have belly button rings.  And Patrick told me that the belly button ring kinda went beyond cool to "too cool"  and not in a good way.  HUUUMMMPPHHH.  My belly, my choice.  The great thing to me was that my parents that were a bit horrified by my choice of personal adornment actually viewed my new dragonfly bling with amused tolerance today.  I think they understand actually the whys and wherefores that caused me to do it and since I am otherwise a very staid and respectable single mom that it is no big deal.

Had a very very nice time with my parents tonight - got BBQ and my Mother made really yummy brownies totally from scratch including the frosting (she did not mean it as a challenge but damn they were good and now I will have to ditch the mix - brownies have always been a mix item for me and there are very few such items.)  And then we sat around with Cartoon Network on for the kids (you know educational TV) and I knitted and we gabbed - the sock is coming along and today I frogged an inch back to a mistake and picked up all of the stitches sans crochet hook and kicked stitching booty.  But all that knitting plus the laborious typing here has worn out my poor finger.

So I am going to give you the finger and the sock and bid you goodnight from the world's best southern belle on the outside Rebel on the inside . . .

'Nuff Said

U2 Lyrics - Vertigo

Unos, dos, tres, catorce [1,2,3,14]

Turn it up loud, captain!

Lights go down
It's dark
The jungle is your head
Can't rule your heart
I'm feeling so much stronger
Than I thought
Your eyes are wide
And though your soul
it can't be bought
your mind can wander

Hello, Hello
Hola! [Spanish for Hello]
I'm at a place called vertigo (¿Dónde está?) [Where is it?]
It's everything I wish I didn't know
Except you give me something I can feel
Feel

The night is full of holes
Those bullets rip the sky
Of ink with gold
They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll
They know that they can't dance
At least they know

I can sell the beat
I'm askin' for the cheque
Girl with crimson nails
Has Jesus 'round the neck
Swinging to the music
Swinging to the music
Woooao

Hello, Hello
Hola!
I'm at a place called Vertigo (¿Dónde está?) [Where is it?]
It's everything I wish I didn't know
But you give me something I can feel
Feel

Check mated
Oh yeah
Hours of fun...

All of this, all of this can be yours
All of this, all of this can be yours
All of this, all of this can be yours
Just give me what I want and no-one gets hurt

Hello, Hello
Hola!
I'm at a place called Vertigo
Lights go down and all I know
Is that you give me something I can feel
You're teaching me ...aaahhh
Your love is teaching me how
How to kneel
Kneel

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Do socks have gender?

I still love the yarn but the colorway is a bit masculine in my eyes.  I am going to keep on knitting and knit them for me.  They will be soft and cozy but I think these will have to stay at home and hide.  I do miss having a man to knit and cook for sometimes.  I have thought about marrying for money since love has  not proven to be a basis for marriage.  Anyone know a nice doctor or lawyer that likes striped socks and gourmet cooking?  The klutziness is a bonus feature LOL

Guilty Pleasures

OK American Idol night - one of my guilty pleasures.

Hot tamale candy - another guilty pleasure

Regency Romance Novel - ditto

And silly quizzes!

Which Kind of Flower Are You?

You are a Daisy.
Take this quiz!

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What Kind of Candy Are You? Descriptive Results,Very Fun with Pictures of CANDY!

You are...*drum roll*PIXIE STIX!Wow, you are pretty hyper! Pixie Stix make people hyper. You're also very sweet, very SUGAR sweet. You are naturally sugar high, all the time, and sometimes it gets on people's nerves. Don't worry, I'm the same way! You are outgoing, adventerous, and a good friend. You're probably really naturally beautiful. Congrats. If you haven't eaten pixie stix ever, please do. They rock! But really, do you need any more sugar then what you already have?!?!
Take this quiz!

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What kind of yarn are you?

You are Shetland Wool. You are a traditional sort who can sometimes be a little on the harsh side. Though you look delicate you are tough as nails and prone to intricacies. Despite your acerbic ways you are widely respected and even revered.
Take this quiz!

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You Are A: Pony!

Who doesn't love a pony? You are one of these miniature horses, renown for your beauty and desired by many. Full of grace, you are a beautiful and very special animal, full of strength and majesty.

You were almost a: Puppy or a Parakeet
You are least like a: Groundhog or a ChipmunkThe Cute Animals Quiz

Smashed but not broken

OK the finger was still hurting lots today so I went to the doctor (1st non checkup type visit in ohhh 7 years!!!) and had the silly thing checked.  It is not broken just very badly bruised so it is splinted and they have me taking tons of Naprocyn.  Typing is hard so short posts for this week.  I can knit slowly.

So I will have to be short and/or creative.  Tonight I am just going for short :)